Love at the end of the Rainbow

Like many people, some of you may be thinking to yourself, “Yikes, this one here really needs to speak with a therapist” or the infamous saying that I hear all the time, “Wow, this girl is still dealing with this”. Well the reply is still the same just as it was several years ago, “I love you still, I always have and I always will”, point, blank, period! For those who are familiar with my recent blog posts, I have been transparent about the loss of my early adulthood boyfriend. This man was everything to me, he inspired me, believed in me, and taught me things about myself that I never would have known if I were never to have met him. Most importantly, he loved me for who I was and not what I was or what I could do for him! I say all of that to say this…2

While watching the memorial for Nipsey Hussle, it has really put things into perspective for me such as the love between him and his beautiful girlfriend, Lauren London. I sat at my desk in my office watching the live broadcast on my cell phone I was overwhelmed by emotions. I laughed, cried and smiled during a man’s memorial that I never met. All of his loved ones, friends, and the city of Los Angeles along with fellow artists had nothing but beautiful, kind and positive words to say about Nipsey Hussle. From listening to his mother speak of her son, she dropped gems, not about his life but life in general that will forever stick with me. Hearing his father, as well as his brother, speak about his life was very touching. Really what to know what did it for me? You guessed it! Hearing Lauren London speak about the love of her life, seeing Lauren being that brave to stand in front of thousands of people tell the world about the love she had for this man, allowing those to know how great of man he was not only to her but their family and being able to relate to the pain that Lauren was currently in. Now do not get me wrong, I cannot say that I know how she felt exactly but I can closely relate because in the end, the death of a boyfriend, spouse or life partner is something that will always impact you.

It is crazy that the day of the memorial for Nipsey Hussle, it marked the date in which I met my early adulthood boyfriend, Preston. My feelings had been all over the place that week, that Thursday I was very emotional and I could not process my thoughts for the life of me. One thing that got me through the week and especially that day was plenty of prayers, love from my loved ones but the support of my current boyfriend! Had it not been for listening ears, prayers, talks with God, crying and my supportive boyfriend, I would not have made it. It’s somebody somewhere thinking “So you’re just going to skip over ‘my current boyfriend’ part as if that’s something that you have talked about previously”. Well, you are right, that’s the part that I was getting to…

After having a plethora of time to devote to myself—ensu1ring that I was spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally strong, I began to get back in the dating realm, it took several years…whew, chile! Needlessly to say after praying for myself to be the best version I can be as well as for whoever God brought into my life, I prayed for my future partner and for God to remove relationships that were not purposeful! Patiently waiting and believing in God’s plan for my life, knowing my worth and again, waiting patiently, I received God’s blessing for my life. Despite having doubts, feeling that I was not worthy of another love, or having reservations about a relationship with anyone else, I had to open my heart and learn from my past in order to correct my behavior for the present and the future.

Till this day, obviously, I still have those rough moments but yet I have to remind myself that if I continue to pray, I should not worry. The same way God provided some of the most precious moments with an amazing man, he will ensure that I have other precious moments to look forward to with another amazing man. No one could ever and will never take the place in which Preston held in my life! And because of that, I am forever grateful for his presence, the lessons I learned, the happiness and the sadness with that part of my life.

I am always reminded that there is love at the end of the rainbow!

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