Re-evaluating non-negotiables

Heyyyyy ya’ll! Finally, I am getting back to my first love, which is writing. Writing allows me to verbalize my feelings and is very therapeutic. Allowing me to creatively express my ideas about various topics and opinions about things that are going on in society today. With that being said, over the past couple of months I’ve had the opportunity to experience some creative blocks and some other life events but hey, things happen, God is still in control and I am still alive and breathing.

During my time of going through certain circumstances, I’ve had the pleasure of learning important lessons about myself such as things that I will and will not tolerate. In the dictionary, we call this non-negotiables—which situations are non-budge when it comes to looking for a potential partner and/or friends! Yes, even in my late twenties, I am still looking to meet new friends, I am a firm believer that you can constantly learn from people whom God places in your path. Hence why it is very important to establish a list of solid characteristics of what you are seeking for in a person you choose to have in your life for any duration of time. Now don’t get me wrong the term non-negotiables can be applied to every situation in life!

In this particular season of life, the year of 2019, the valuable lessons that I’ve learned thus far: (1) God’s timing is everything (2) wait and (3) there are reasons and seasons for everyone in your life but it’s solely up to you to understand the magnitude of this! With the later lesson I’ve learned this far, it has been imperative for me to re-evaluate non-negotiables so that  the same lessons that I am learning won’t continue to be a cycle for me! I know I am not the only one who is tired of the endless cycle of meeting someone, being cool/forming a bond, hanging out consistently, forming a title, plateau, communication becomes inconsistent, hanging out becomes nonexistent, and the friendship/relationship comes to a halt. Again, this cycle can also be applied to any facet in life, find an interest, enjoy the interest, do the activity consistently, make it a niche, plateau, your excitement for this interest becomes inconsistent, doing the activity becomes nonexistent, and the interest for the activity comes to a halt. I’m a firm believer that God continues to give you lessons repeatedly until YOU LEARN! My mission is to break cycles that truly serve me no purpose what so ever, to get to where I need and want to be😊

Identifying and clarifying each year, what are the non-negotiables that I will filter through in every aspect of life? Career? Spare-time? Platonic relationships? Intimate relationships? And everything in between?
It’s so easy for people to say that, in terms of a career, “As long as the money is right, I’ll take it”. Well if it causes your mental health to be at stake, your life is on the line or detrimental to missing the most important life events for your family, is this career/job truly worth it?
It’s so easy for people to say, in terms of their spare-time, “My time is my time and I’ll do whatever I please.” Why yes, that’s a very true statement, however, is what you do in your spare-time fulfilling? Is it assisting with helping you become closer to your goal? Is it helping your mental health?
It’s so easy for people to say, in terms of platonic relationships, “Hell, I haven’t talked to her/him in months but whenever we do get to hang out again, it’s all love.” And yes, this too is also true, however, you don’t and you’ll probably never know what your friends are going through. Do you check on your friends at least once a week? No, I’m not referring to see if they’ve posted on social media but I’m talking about calling them, texting them or even FaceTime. Well, only if they’re not the type where you have to book an appointment refer to options one and two. Do you know if your friends are going through any life-changing events? Does your friend have any events coming up that you would need to attend? To have friends, you must understand how to be a friend for yourself! Trust me, I understand that WE ALL GO THROUGH THINGS IN LIFE however if we’re able to get on social media, we should also be quick to pick up the phone for a couple of minutes to catch up to those who mean the world to us.
Last but not least, we get so caught up with wanting the title of being involved with someone on an intimate level and dating exclusively, however, we don’t know the first thing about being a genuine, honest, RESPECTABLE human being, in terms of intimate relationships. A couple of my favorite quotes I love to hear from couples are, “As long as we speak before we go to sleep, we’re good. We don’t need to check in on each other all day every day.” “I don’t need to tell him/her that, that’s my business.” “We don’t have to hang out all the time”. Whew! I kind of went off on a tangent with this last one but I am being completely transparent about my opinions on certain things. Trust me, what works for you and your significant other is great but it may not work for the next couple. However, when you enter a relationship, you’re entering something so special, so significant and lastly, something to be honored between the two of you. Communication, comprehension, trust, honesty, respect, dedication, perseverance, strength, discernment, and accountability are key components to a vital relationship. Can you have an uncomfortable conversation with your partner without it getting heated? Can you be completely transparent with your partner and I do mean TRANSPARENT? Like what they’re telling you might make you mad, cry or whatever but they’re being completely honest because they trust you=a safe place. Is your partner your best friend, like hanging out with your partner is equivalent to hanging out with your homeboy/homegirl? Do you feel as if you’re the only one putting in the hard work in your relationship? Manipulated much?

When it comes to certain situations in your life, you need to re-evaluate from time to time your career, extracurricular activities, platonic relationships, and intimate relationships. Find the value in things that serve a purpose for you and your growth, remove yourself from people and things that don’t aid to your growth and development. At the end of the day, you’re the only person who has your best interest at heart. Go hard for you!

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