It’s so very hard to believe that today marks eight years since you have gained your wings. November 23rd will always be a constant reminder for me that a piece of my heart is gone and I am left with memories. In those eight years, I have done a lot of learning about myself. I have had plenty of time to do self-work, soul searching, furthering my education, career accomplishments, traveling and establishing a strong foundation of love for myself. There have been many days in which I think about you often, what life would be like if you were still here or what great things that you would accomplish that we would celebrate. There are also many days in which I don’t feel like moving, being around other people or simply just want to cry for several reasons but the main one would be because I no longer have you to just pick up and call, see at the end of the day or just to laugh with.
I am so very thankful for the time that I was able to spend with you! All of the laughs that we shared, all of the memories that we made and all of the time spent. You always provided me with a smile no matter what was going on, a hug to comfort me or to just let me know that you’re always right there, a laugh to ease some of the stress, a listening ear when I was stressed about or complaining about my part-time job, a cheesy rap song that you made up off the top of your head to try to gain a laugh out of me, having me to come and hang out with you and your friends at the house while you all played video games or drank but last but not least, always receiving a phone call you from you at the whew hours of the morning just to let me know that we both made it to the next day. Most importantly I miss our in-depth conversations about life. Boy, the goals and aspirations that we had back then were incredible. I miss listening to all of our favorite music together and coming up with our meaning as to what they meant to us.
Although we had good times, we’ve also shared some times that weren’t so pleasant but they were important to our journey. It’s because of you that I’ve learned to communicate my feelings no matter what! There would be times where you would be very upset with me for not speaking to you for whatever reason or not telling you what was going through my mind. You taught me that it is okay to have feelings because it doesn’t make you weak but it gives you a power that no one can take away and your feelings are always valid, no matter how the other person receives the message in which you’re trying to convey. It’s because of you that I can articulate myself well in my writing. You loved to write poetry or short stories and I admire reading your work because it inspired me more than you know. Most importantly, you taught me not to take things personally and that everyone has their things that are working through that have nothing to do with me.
But overall what I admire the most about you, is how you loved me with all of your heart. No matter my flaws, how bad an argument was or the extent to how mad we made each other, you were so proud to show me off to any and everybody. You always made me feel loved even during our trials. You never allowed us to go to bed mad with each other. You always lovingly corrected me and you always taught me to love myself before loving you! You taught me that although you didn’t have much you made sure that I had the world. You always went out of your way to provide whatever you could without me asking you or expecting you to do anything for me. You were a gentle giant who loved so hard. You made it known to me what I meant to you, your words were always followed by actions. I cannot even think of one time in which you let me down. You were a standup guy. You loved for ME and not what I could do for you. I use to joke with you all the time that you talked too much. However, I love to hear your voice right now.
This past weekend I had the opportunity to enjoy the Big KRIT concert in Atlanta. And no, I didn’t cry when we came on stage but I did embarrass myself a little bit. Yelling the words and dancing like nobody was even watching. Yes, it’s because of you that I love his music. His music has helped me heal through the years and holds a very special place in my heart. I was just telling my best friend that it’s ironic that every time that he comes to Atlanta it is always in November. I like to think that it’s your way of providing me with some comfort during the month.
Man, it’s so hard to believe that you’re gone, still. But I know God makes no mistakes, your assignment on this earth was complete and He needed you more. I thank God for blessing me with you and your love. I thank you for loving me, teaching me and never leaving my side despite anything. I love you still, I always have and I always will.